• Ways To Fall On Your Ass

  Filed under Foo
  Sep 6
  

  Caesar Milan would be proud.

  Buy some landrollers/ roller blades/ skates/ skateboard and then attempt to have your dog pull you. Or, if your dog won’t pull you, he’ll stop when he feels the leash tighten and then stand in front of you so you crash.

  So far, Sebastian isn’t hopping on board with the idea that he is supposed to pull me when I’m when wheels are on my feet. This is both a good and bad thing: he stops when he feels the leash tighten. This is a good thing when one walks so your arms don’t come out of your body. This is not a good thing when you want him to pull you on skates.

  The fact that I haven’t put skates on my feet since the late 80′s doesn’t help matters either. I am able to skate fairly well. I am not, however, able to stop without crashing. (I seem to remember that the “stop mechanism” for skates was on the toe of the skate, not the heel of the skate.)

  And it doesn’t help that I’m not that athletic anyway. Sure, I can do repetitive tasks like running or cycling, but if I have to do anything athletic that requires coordination or a ball, I’m pretty much screwed.

  I went to a hip hop dance class at the local 24-hour fitness today and learned just how uncoordinated I am. I spent the entire class in the back row fighting my white girl genetics. Strangely enough, I realized that when I stopped thinking about it, I actually did a little better. I flashed to the head cheerleader in high school and realized that maybe the reason she could dance so well was because she was dumb as a post and the very act of thinking was too difficult for her to manage in the first place.

  In fact, the whole class sort of felt like high school. There were little groups of people who gathered together and gossiped about this and that, and then there were the loners like me who were on the outskirts of all the chit chat. And, this time, I didn’t give a rip that I was making a fool out of myself. I just went with it and had fun.

  4 Comments

4 Responses to “Ways To Fall On Your Ass”

1. 

   BillMan said on September 6th, 2008 at 9:19 pm

   “And it doesn’t help that I’m not that athletic anyway. Sure, I can do repetitive tasks like running or cycling, but if I have to do anything athletic that requires coordination or a ball, I’m pretty much screwed.”
   Oh pull the other one, darlin’!!! I don’t give a hoopity-snoot if it involves a ball or co-ordination, ANYONE who particpates SUCCESSFULLY in even a SPRINT Triathalon and then tried to tell an old Couch Potato like ME she is not “athletic” ain’t sellin’ me no bridges in New York or swamp land in El Paso!!! *I* can show you unathletic. Remember me, the guy that won a $250 mountain bike and sold it on e-Bay `cause he didn’t feel like figuring out all 18 gears??

2. 

   Heather said on September 7th, 2008 at 12:20 pm

   Well, you also didn’t see me attempting to hip hop. It was…sad.

3. 

   BillMan said on September 9th, 2008 at 8:10 am

   Hip-hop?? I can’t even imagine what that manner of dancing would look like. Is it similar to break dancing?? Remember, I’ve lived in Kansas for the last 23 years.
   Mary has given up trying to get me to dance. Even in my best shape, I had no rhythm. You oughta see me trying to jump rope. That’d probably make a good YouTube video: “Is this man trying to jump rope or hang himsefl?”

4. GreenEye Wire » Blog Archive » Caution: This Post Contains A Picture of My Ass said on March 10th, 2009 at 5:01 pm

   [...] This post should also make clear why you want to learn how to rollerblade (or in my case remember how to rollerblade) before attaching your eager dog to pull you. [...]

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