• A Kick to the Head Is Sometimes a Good Thing

  Filed under Foo
  Nov 23

  Really. Had an interesting conversation from someone today and it went something like this:
  

  Me: Hiya.

  Put in bs conversation about movies, everything else. Nothing important. A while later…

  Person: You’ve been talking a lot on IM lately.
  Me: Oh. I will stop if you want me to. (I said this as a joke…btw)
  Person: Maybe better.

  Ouch. Apparently he didn’t see the joke. I felt that like it was a kick to the head. It was then that I realized what an ass I’ve been making of myself. I’ve been talking with this person about everything, and he was nice enough to often tell me that he was busy, or didn’t have time. But I never got the message until now. Literally, he’s been putting up with me.

  The thing is, it’s not the first time. I’ve had people tell me straight up and I was hurt. The thing is, I don’t really have friends outside of the keyboard. Literally in the Dallas area, I have three people I call my friends, those who I can call in an emergency if the sh*t hits the fan. And I’ve lived here for 10 years. My best friend lives in Alaska nearly as far from Texas as one can get. I’ve seen her in person 4 times…3 of those times was in the UK. But I talk to her every day via chat.

  In fact, when I was reading said friend’s post about smoking I formulated a small theory about people who smoke. (Yes. This all ties together…give it a bit.) Very simply, people who smoke tend to be much more social than those of us who don’t. Ask many smokers why they started, and most will say they started when they were teenagers because they wanted to fit in. (Or else, they started smoking pot and moved to tobacco later on…but still, the theory fits.)

  I’ve also come to notice that many smokers also tend to be good bloggers and/ or good editorial writers. This feeds my theory that they are also more social, and people who are more social tend to be able to talk to people. In the ClueTrain Manifesto, the main idea of the book is that the web is one big conversation. Go to any SEO meet and you’ll see that the ones who are really successful at SEO or affiliate work also tend to be smokers. (Not always the case, mind you, but very often.)

  I’ve always had a hard time with conversation. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to people, it’s just that I don’t know what the hell to say. Or what I’m supposed to say. Or not supposed to say. Even if it is a topic I know well, I still stumble with it.

  It’s also very difficult for me to write editorial things or blog stuff for much the same reason: I simply don’t know what to say.

  I think chat has allowed me to see that I really do crave talking to other people, but I’m just scared to do it with them in person.

  So. Today. I realized: I need to learn to converse. I think it’ll make social situations easier for me, and hopefully help my web work. That’s the theory anyway. I’m off to the bookstore to see if there is a how-to book.

  I realize this makes me a loser because I am learning to converse from a book and that almost makes it a contradiction in terms, but I really don’t know where else to start. I guess I could start smoking.

  If nothing else, it gives me a reason to go to the bookstore. And I always like that.

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