Online dating in a sparsely populated area is tough. Literally, I have to put the search results at 200 miles away from my zip code just to get a list of people. One site seems to think that 4 hours away is considered “near me.” It’s laughable.

Anyway, Here are some headlines/ emails of some of the men who claimed to be ‘interested’ in me. I’ve paraphrased these a little bit to protect the guilty.

I like Nascar, huntin and quiet evenings spiting sunflower seeds off my porch.

Does that make the sunflower seed angry? One has to wonder what an angry sunflower seed does…Maybe that’s how the man eating plant in the Little Shop of Horrors was created.

Late 1968 model, with a little wear on the outside but well taken care of on the inside. Able to accommodate children.

I’m not kidding you, his entire description of himself was like that. Six paragraphs.

if you need a good man hear i am.

I can hear Marcia Brock, my English teacher from high school, rolling her eyes and turning in her grave as we speak.

(An email from a gentleman who claims to be 28.)
I want you to know that I prefer older women…

Sweetheart, you’re not going to get anywhere with that one. Even if she’s 90. AND HOLY SHIT I’M ONLY 38!!

i like country music and dancing i like movies romantic evenings i like doing karaoke cause i like to sing i like going to rodeos i like a variety of things i just like having fun i am looking for a woman with a sense of humor who has a variety of interests

That sentence just makes me dizzy. And I think I just heard Marcia Brock gafaw gaffaw.

I just want a good woman who doesn’t have all the drama. There are so many women in this world who think that is ok to go out with a man just to get dinner and a movie. Are there any good women left out there?

Would you like some cheese with your whine?

i just float around spreading kindness and radiating love unless threatened, and then i’d be more likely to just swim the other direction prefering a life of non-violence with the exception of protection, when i may be forced into some kind of actions. also i’m praticing selfless service and unconditional love/giving. also i like to write and i believe it shows a very positive side to me.

*squeezes the little part of her face between her nose and her forehead and sighs.*

Happiness is making peace with where you are. I like that.

Anyway, this story made me smile. Here’s the skinny: A guy in Chicago is shoveling snow off his mother’s driveway when he feels chest pains. Does he call 911? Nope. Instead he figures since his chest is hurting and he’s feeling numbness in his jaw and arm, that it is a great time to discuss his wireless calling plan, so he calls AT&T. (It is interesting to note that this guy worked in an ER and was very familiar with the symptoms of a heart attack.)

*Holds tongue about the rant of why the hell don’t men go to the doctor…*

The gal at AT&T who answered the phone ended up calling 911 for him and saving his life. The doctors told the man that he had more than 90% of his heart blocked — how he even walked out the door without losing his breath is a feat in itself.

But ‘rest of the story’ is even better. The phone rep’s name: Kelly Hart. Like I said, there’s such thing as coincidence, and there *are* angels.

Watch CBS News Videos Online

< sidenote >
I find it sad, actually, that Quickbooks doesn’t just have a button for people to click to make the font size larger…it says a lot about Inuit that they don’t give a damn about accessibility for the sight impaired. And for all the tiny lines of text that an accountant has to read on a daily basis, you’d THINK they’d be way ahead on this issue.
< /sidenote>

Anyway, “Relief for Tired QuickBooks Eyes” tells you exactly how to enlarge the font to size 12 Arial” on the QuickBooks program. One must edit the quickbooks.ini file (QBW.ini) but Charlie has pictures and walks you right through it. I’m sure if you want to enlarge it to 14 or 16, you just change the number…

Without further Ado: Relief for Tired Quickbooks Eyes.

“Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism, for the record, it’s my least favorite quality, it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen. I’m telling you, amazing things will happen. I’m telling you, it’s just true.” — Conan O’Brien

That is probably the best advice I’ve heard from anyone. Conan O’Brien’s farewell speech from the Tonight show is here.

I just figured out that I’m being played by someone close to me. The interesting thing is, I am not angry about it. I feel relief in knowing there is a game in the first place.

And more importantly, I feel relief in knowing that I can choose not to play, and by doing that I will piss the other person off immensely.

Go to one of your documents and Right click (or CTL Click) to get the menu that pops up to the side. Choose to “Get Info” from the list. In the box, there is an “Open With” drop down box that will allow you to choose whatever program you want. Choose your program. Underneath that box, you’ll find a “Use this application to open all documents like this one.” Note that you’ll have to choose the program before you get the “Change all” button to show up.

When it does, click it and you’ll get a window that basically says “Are you sure you want to change all similar documents to open with the application “TextWrangler.app”? This change will apply to all documents with the extension “.txt”.

Click “continue” to make it happen.

This should work with all other programs as well.