GreenEye Wire

I can’t make this up. This actually happened.

*Soft Knock on the Door*

Me, Inside the Door,”Who is it?”

Guy at Door *Mumbles something*

Me, “Who?”

Guy at Door,”Steve” (Name changed, of course.)

Me,”What do you need, Steve?”

Steve,”Um, Would you like to buy some Marijuana?”

Me, Stunned,”Um, No thank you.”

Steve,”Ok, thanks.”

Yes. Apparently the economy is so bad that even the pot dealers are going door to door.

I have been busy and lazy and haven’t posted anything since forever. I’ve had several people ask when I am going to post again which is touching because I still can’t believe anyone reads my blog.

So, here’s a joke sent to me in email that I found particularly funny. No idea who wrote it, but it must be a Canadian because radar detectors are legal here in the States. Still a good joke.

The wife from Hell

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, “I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.” The driver says, “Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.”

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: “Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.”

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, “Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?”

The wife smiles demurely and says, “You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.”

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth,”Darn it, woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?”

The officer frowns and says, “And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.”

The driver says, “Yeah, well you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.”

The wife says, “Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.”

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, “WHY DON’T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?”

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, “Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am

“Only when he’s been drinking.”

Ba Duh BUH

4 Doors. Cushy seats that comfortably seat 5. All she needs now is the bluing for her hair.

I love Kristine. Really, I do. She’s a sharp dresser and always seems to know what to say in tough social situations. I ask her for advice all the time, as I deeply value what she has to say.

But I gotta say. Her new car is a grandma car. Kristine vehemently denies this.

Now, I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. I’m just saying I won’t be driving a car like that for another 40 or so years until it is more age appropriate.

So what do I think constitutes a ‘Grandma car’?

Simple

1. Size. This is the probably the biggest indicator. The bigger, the better. Grandma doesn’t like small cars. I saw Kristine’s new baby parked next to a Cadillac and it was the same length and width.

2. 4 doors This is so Grandma can haul all her friends to the BINGO hall. It needs to have 4 doors so everyone can get in and out comfortably.

3. Couch-like seating Grandma’s friends like comfort. You could drive 3 large men comfortably in the back seat of her car for 200 miles.

4. Git up and go Grandma likes to drive everywhere fast. Sure, she may not be able to see that well, but hey, her ride is huge so she won’t get hurt.

Now, granted, Kristine’s car is a Toyota, and usually Grandmas go for Buicks. But this is the same size and width of a Buick, so I’m letting that one slide.

I will say, however, that Kristine’s Grandma car is a nice ride. It was *really* comfortable. Sort of like driving a couch. I think that the B-52’s sang it best:

I got me a car, it’s as big as a whale and we’re headin’ on down
To the Love Shack
I got me a Camry it seats about 20
So hurry up and bring your jukebox money

Or…something like that.

My halloween costume last year which also had wild eye makeup. Since I was Medusa, I couldnt look directly at the person taking the picture, lest they turn to stone.

I have to wonder why November was chosen for this when there is so much going on? Thanksgiving is 3 weeks away (!) and that usually means you’re doing this and that with family and won’t have time to blog or write.

But try, I will. So, this is today’s post. I can’t wait to see who our next president will be tomorrow, and am thankful I voted last week. (Had to stand in line for 2 whole hours to do it…can’t imagine what it would be like if I didn’t do early voting…)

I also attended a kick ass halloween party last week with Kristine’s friend Lauren. Lauren has an interesting set of friends — they are all artistic folks who are the type to pick up and go to Europe and hitchhike across it just to say they did. “Fly by the seat of their pants” describes them.

I always have wanted to be like that, but due to anal retentive German upbringing, just could never quite let myself do it. But I really want to be able to let go one day.

One memorable moment that nearly brought tears to my eyes. Her mother said to me “OH, you were the one who had the cool makeup last year! That was amazing!”

I told her “Oh, I did that in like 5 minutes, not really thinking about it.”

She said,”You’re so creative!” and a part of me was so touched I nearly chocked up. I had no idea that I wanted to be the ‘creative’ type until she said that.

So, I will try to be more creative: posting in my blog every day this month and writing 1667 words every day for my novel.

I hope my carpel tunnel doesn’t act up.

Key Relevance Reviews Day one of the eMetrics Marketing Optimization conference. They discuss the new features of Google analytics and Google’s WebMaster Tools.

Key Relevance Reviews Day One
Key Relevance Reviews Day Two