GreenEye Wire

I just felt like this video today. (If you are reading this on facebook, click “original post” to see it.)

I decided that I need to get ‘out there’ and start dating again so I don’t turn into one of those wacked out single old ladies who have more cats than friends. I joined a few dating sites just to see ‘what was out there.’

Online dating in a sparsely populated area is tough. Literally, I have to put the search results at 200 miles away from my zip code just to get a list of people. One site seems to think that 4 hours away is considered “near me.” It’s laughable.

Anyway, Here are some headlines/ emails of some of the men who claimed to be ‘interested’ in me. I’ve paraphrased these a little bit to protect the guilty.

I like Nascar, huntin and quiet evenings spiting sunflower seeds off my porch.

Does that make the sunflower seed angry? One has to wonder what an angry sunflower seed does…Maybe that’s how the man eating plant in the Little Shop of Horrors was created.

Late 1968 model, with a little wear on the outside but well taken care of on the inside. Able to accommodate children.

I’m not kidding you, his entire description of himself was like that. Six paragraphs.

if you need a good man hear i am.

I can hear Marcia Brock, my English teacher from high school, rolling her eyes and turning in her grave as we speak.

(An email from a gentleman who claims to be 28.)
I want you to know that I prefer older women…

Sweetheart, you’re not going to get anywhere with that one. Even if she’s 90. AND HOLY SHIT I’M ONLY 38!!

i like country music and dancing i like movies romantic evenings i like doing karaoke cause i like to sing i like going to rodeos i like a variety of things i just like having fun i am looking for a woman with a sense of humor who has a variety of interests

That sentence just makes me dizzy. And I think I just heard Marcia Brock gafaw gaffaw.

I just want a good woman who doesn’t have all the drama. There are so many women in this world who think that is ok to go out with a man just to get dinner and a movie. Are there any good women left out there?

Would you like some cheese with your whine?

i just float around spreading kindness and radiating love unless threatened, and then i’d be more likely to just swim the other direction prefering a life of non-violence with the exception of protection, when i may be forced into some kind of actions. also i’m praticing selfless service and unconditional love/giving. also i like to write and i believe it shows a very positive side to me.

*squeezes the little part of her face between her nose and her forehead and sighs.*

Hey Missionary Man! HA! I don’t care how 80′s this song is. I love it. Now turn the volume clockwise and JAM OUT!

I’ve read a lot of these books featured in this video but I have to say I’ve learned more in 4 minute video than I did reading all of the books.

Happiness is making peace with where you are. I like that.

OK, I don’t usually go on and on about my spiritual beliefs, but I will say that I do believe there is a God and that things do happen for a reason. What God is, I’m still trying to figure out, but I’ve narrowed it down to two things: the energy that is like the duct tape that holds the universe together and the ‘Dude’ who is like an amazing chess player who is always 10 steps ahead of you no matter what choice you make. And I think Angels are all around us, both in the people we know and the entities we can’t see.

Anyway, this story made me smile. Here’s the skinny: A guy in Chicago is shoveling snow off his mother’s driveway when he feels chest pains. Does he call 911? Nope. Instead he figures since his chest is hurting and he’s feeling numbness in his jaw and arm, that it is a great time to discuss his wireless calling plan, so he calls AT&T. (It is interesting to note that this guy worked in an ER and was very familiar with the symptoms of a heart attack.)

*Holds tongue about the rant of why the hell don’t men go to the doctor…*

The gal at AT&T who answered the phone ended up calling 911 for him and saving his life. The doctors told the man that he had more than 90% of his heart blocked — how he even walked out the door without losing his breath is a feat in itself.

But ‘rest of the story’ is even better. The phone rep’s name: Kelly Hart. Like I said, there’s such thing as coincidence, and there *are* angels.

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